At the Private Club, Birmingham, we loooooove boobs. Call them what you like – boobs, tits, melons, hooters, knockers, funbags – who doesn’t love watching a pair of ‘em bouncing around freely? Everyone used to be able to, until some bastard invented the bra, and suddenly the fun was over. No more would we be treated to the mesmerising sight of a pair of jaunty jugs jiggling away.
But it’s time to fight back! And, once again, we have science on our side. So let’s free the nipple!
Pinky and Perky
No woman wants saggy boobs. One of the main reasons that women wear bras is because we’ve been led believe that bras will help prevent our hooters hanging between our knees. An extensive study carried out by the French (who else?!) has shown that bras actually cause sagging. This is because the chest muscles don’t need to work, and become weak.
Likewise, a bra also weakens the breast tissue itself, causing those lovely melons to lose their firm, round shape. The study also showed that women who didn’t wear bras, had nipples on average 7mm higher than those who did, showing that their boobs were perkier.
Keep the blood flowing
Bras are tight fitting clothing to prevent that oh-so-enticing bouncing. The same study mentioned above also showed that restrictive clothing – especially bras – can press on the major blood vessels and slow circulation. This can actually lead to permanent damage. No bra is worth that, surely?
Take a deep breath
I think we’d all agree that breathing is pretty important. Tight bras – such as those worn for running or going to the gym – can restrict breathing. That’s a real problem when you need maximum oxygen to keep running. Chucking that bra away could help improve performance.
Bras not only impact circulation. They also trap sweat, dirt and bacteria, which can lead to rashes and spots. Badly fitting bras make these problems even worse, and given that up to 80% of women are wearing the wrong size, that’s a lot of women that would benefit from letting the ol’ mammaries swing free.
Bras are bloody expensive – as any woman will tell you. Especially if you’ve been blessed with more voluptuous funbags. Going without the little fun spoilers will save hundreds, if not thousands, over a lifetime.
Burn the bra!
While we at the Private Club wouldn’t suggest burning your other half’s bras (she’ll probably get quite upset), you can certainly make a good case for getting her to ditch them. If she doubts your motives, make sure to tell her that you’re only thinking about her.
If you want to see lovely tits bouncing freely come along to the Private Club, the UK’s best kept secret. Our ladies might start wearing bras – but they don’t stay on long. We know the benefits of letting our boobs go au naturale!